It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood!
by Lone Gunfreak
Summary: The untold, uncensored, untrue story of the conception of Scully's baby!


Title : It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood!  
Author : the Lone Gunfreak  
E-mail : lord_manhammer_666@yahoo.com  
Rating : PG-13  
Category : Humor   
Disclaimer : Chris Carter owns The X-Files, unless he steals one of my  
" Where'd the baby come from? " solutions, then I'll sue  
him for The X-Files and The Lone Gunmen spinoff. C'mon, Chris,  
you know you wanna steal my ideas. What, can't take on a 14  
year-old nerd girl? Weiner! Little weinie surfer man!   
Feedback : Yes! It helps my self esteem so. Flames will be used to torch the   
wretched hive of scum and villany that is my high school. mwahaha!  
Author's Note : The is no law that says the title has to have anything to do  
with the fic! mwahahaha! ( the Lone Gunfreak sings " God  
Bless America " to her collection of cross-dressed Kens. )  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
One month before " Requiem "  
Location unknown  
  
CSM laughed to himself. The hallucinogen that had been slipped in Agents   
Mulder and Scully's coffee should take affect in approximately 15   
minutes - when they were scheduled to be in a Very Important Meeting.   
When the rest of the FBI saw Mulder and Scully tripping out, the X-Files   
would be shut down and 2 certain FBI agents would be out of a job. He   
laughed some more.  
" Mwahahahahahaha- "  
" SHUT UP THAT LAUGHIN'! " his landlady yelled.  
" Yes, ma'am, " he replied meekly.  
  
J. Edgar Hoover building  
basement office  
  
" Hey, Scully. Come with me to the Lone Gunmen's place. I need them   
to check something out for me. "  
" Mulder! Don't you remember that meeting we're supposed to be at? "  
Mulder stared at her blankly.  
" The Very Important Meeting? "  
" Ooooh, that meeting. Well...do we really have to be there? "  
" Skinner said a representative from the X-Files had to be there, and   
if I have to be bored insane, I'm taking you with me. "  
" Hold that thought. I'll be back in 5 minutes, " Mulder ran out the   
door and up the stairs that led to where normal g-persons were.  
  
J. Edgar hoover building  
bullpen  
  
" HEY! IF YOU GO TO THE VERY IMPORTANT MEETING INSTEAD OF ME AND   
SCULLY, YOU CAN SLEEP WITH AGENT SCULLY! "   
About 40 men ran up to Mulder.  
* I am a genius! * he thought to himself.  
  
J. Edgar Hoover building  
basement office  
5 minutes later  
  
" OK, Scully. I got it all straightened out. Let's go to the   
Gunmen's place now. "  
" OK. "  
  
Lone Gunmen's place  
9 1/2 minutes later  
  
Mulder and Scully entered the apartment/office of the Lone Gun-  
men.   
" Hey guys. I was wondering if you could analyse these UFO   
pictures for us, " Mulder said. He handed them to Byers.   
" Hmmm. Where'd you get these, Mulder? "  
" From - " Mulder stopped in mid-sentance and froze. Scully froze   
too.  
" Um...guys? What are you - " Langly started, when Mulder un-  
froze, screamed like a girl and ran into Byers' bedroom. Scully   
un-froze, screamed in a less girly way than Mulder and ran into   
the kitchen. All 3 Lone Gunmen looked at each other.  
" What was that all about? " Frohike asked. Langly and Byers   
shrugged.   
" Shouldn't we go find out what they're doing? " Byers asked,   
wincing as they heard loud crashes come from his room. They   
reached Byers' door when Mulder burst out, waving a clothes  
hanger at them.  
" Stay back! I've got a phaser and I know how to use it! "   
Mulder yelled.  
" Mulder - "  
" I'm not Mulder! I'm Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise!   
Stay back, evil aliens! "  
Suddenly, Scully came running out of the kitchen, weilding a paper   
plate.  
" Hiyiyiyiyi! I'm Xena, Warrior Princess! Die! " She lunged at   
Langly with the paper plate. When he seemed unimpressed, she did   
that horrible " war-cry " again and started biting him.  
* Dammit! Why's Langly get to be bitten by Scully? * Frohike thought   
as he tried to pull Scully off Langly, who had curled up into a tiny   
ball of Gunman. Mulder smacked Frohike when he started to pull   
Scully off.  
" That's my green Orion slave girl! Get your own! " Mulder yelled.   
" C'mon, green Orion slave girl. Let's go back to my starship. I'll   
show you my other phaser. "  
" Hiyiyiyiyi! " Scully yelled as she kicked Mulder in his ' other   
phaser '.   
" I am Xena, Warrior Princess! Take your hands off me! " She whacked   
Mulder over the head with her paper plate.  
" Ow!...hey, that didn't hurt...hey, quit whacking me, you insane   
green alien bimbo! "   
The Lone Gunmen watched the 2 FBI arents who were wrestling around on   
their floor.   
" We should be taping this, " Langly commented.  
" Oooh, blackmail! Nice thinking, hippieboy. Where's the video camara? "  
Frohike asked.  
" I'll get it, " Langly said, walking into his bedroom. Byers groaned.  
" This is such a bad idea, " Byers told Frohike. " They'll kill us. "  
" And yet we're still doing it. Go figure. "  
" Got the camara! " Langly said as he set it up. Frohike and Langly   
laughed maniacally together.  
" Earth to Langly and Frohike! Hasn't it occured to either of you that  
we should find out what's wrong with them? "  
" Drugged. I don't remember the name offhand, but trust me - it'll wear off  
in oh, 20 minutes, " Langly answered.   
" You know this from research for the magazine, or personal experiance? "  
Byers asked. There was a long pause. " Nevermind, forget I asked. So, in 20  
minutes it should - OH MY GOD, THAT'S NOT RIGHT! "  
Mulder and Scully had abandoned their earlier fight for a much differant   
kind of wrestling.  
" How is that even possible? "  
" Mulder is alot more flexible than I would have thought... "  
" Scully is SO hot! "  
" Are they gonna remember this when they get back to normal? "  
" We're taping this, remember? "  
" We should make copies - one for each of us, and about a kajillion to sell   
on e-bay! "  
" A ' kajillion ' isn't a number, Langly. "  
" Shut up, narc! You know what I meant. "  
  
One month later  
Lone Gunmen's place  
  
" Guys? I have some...odd news. I'm pregnant, the doctor says it's Mulder's, but  
we never..." Scully trailed off.   
" Um, this video might explain a thing or 2, Agent Scully. " Byers held up the tape  
and put it in their VCR.  
" OH, MY GOD! " 


End file.
